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WHAT IF???

Im not sure if the preggo hormones are to blame for this breakdown. I’d love to chalk it all up to hormones, it would make life so much easier. Easier cause I wouldn’t have to confront the biggest of all my fears. One that Ive been dreading from the very start of this journey. One that I knew i’d have to eventually face head on, a battle i knew i’d probably lose to. One that would end in a most pathetic sob song of me staring at the mirror in hysterics while trying to not let the mascara, I rarely use now a days, do a streamline down my cheeks. See I’ve always prided myself in my independence. I have always achieved what I’ve set out to do. And I hate to harbor on the negative but all the what if’s keep grabbing at me. I mean WHAT IF I can’t go back to the career I love so much…what if modeling will no longer be an option? WHAT IF I don’t get my body back? WHAT IF my clients forget about me? WHAT IF this stay at home wifey thing ends up being my reality? Don’t get me wrong Im definitely NOT knocking it. I admire it! I just feel like I’m not so great at it. I honestly do not know how stay at home mommies do it! I mean I clean up as much as I can. I cook for Aleks and…most times…but not all :/. I try to be a good mom-to-be and squeeze in time to read all the jarring reading material there is to better prepare myself for mommy hood. Im planning a wedding. Getting ready to move in a couple of weeks (we close on the condo in 2 weeks ;)). Plus add in all the extra stressers we all face like lets say TAXES!!! Im juggling it all as best I can but I still feel like my best isn’t quite that good enough. I feel guilty half the time and the other half I find myself bitching about smallest everythings! Im used to bringing home the donuts!!! Does this mean I’m slowly going to have to be okay with all of this??? I just want to crawl into bed and watch a cute romantic comedy on Netflix and eat a bowl of Ben & Jerry’s. Maybe the Creme Brulee I bought today oooh or the Cake Batter, yumm…Guess I can look on the bright side, I did manage to get my ice cream flavors right today. **gold star Michi**

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    Brooke Hall 9 years ago

    michelle, i know what you are going through first hand. when i moved from ny to atlanta with jack, it was one of my hardest years. getting adjusted to not making as much $, being a wife, cooking (what?), cleaning, NOT FUN. the change is tough, but your kinks will work out. and having lawton was the BIGGEST blessing of my life. i am working a LOT lately, skinnier than i was before i got pregnant, STRONGER physically than before i became pregant and i have someone that loves me unconditionally. now, there are jobs i can't take and that is okay – i don't want to travel for longer than a week. my ny clients had be back after lawton was born. yo will be fine. you can't imagine how the weight falls off. as for cooking and cleaning…i do my best. i hate doing both…i am not a cook nor a maid. that is very overwhelming at times, but just don't sweat the small stuff. you are going to be a great mom – quit reading the books! they will freak you out!! just get the WEEK BY WEEK book – so amazing! also get the week by week for the first year. love you – i am always here for you!

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